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Finding Father by Tiffany F [ - ]
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Category: CSI: NY - Slashed > CSI: NY Other Slash Pairings
Characters: Danny Messer, Don Flack, Lindsay Monroe, Mac Taylor, Other, Stella Bonasera
Rating: NC-17
Genres: Angst, Drama, Episode Related, First Time
Warnings: Adult themes

Summary: **SPOILERS SEASON 5 EPISODE 15 THE PARTY'S OVER**
After the case Mac is worried about Adam and goes to visit him at his apartment. They start talking and then events take a twist that not even Mac had expected. KINK in later chapters.



Author's Chapter Notes:
Please note that any flaming or insulting reviews will be posted on my livejournal for public view and then deleted from the archieve without comment from me. That said, I love constructive criticism and ideas from readers on how to make stories better, so please do enjoy.



Mac had suspected that Adam was OCD on some level, but never thought that was the reason the young man's father bullied him. He wondered what the trigger was for Adam, but Mac wouldn't pry. He knew exactly how nervous the younger man was around him and really didn't want to make it any worse.

"Hey Stella, have you seen Adam?" Mac asked when he bumped into his friend in the hall.

"Yeah, he's gone for the day," Stella replied. "He really looked bad, Mac. He told me he was fine, but his eyes were telling me something else."

"Was he heading home?"

"I think so, why?"

"I wanted to tell him what a good job he did today," Mac said.

She smiled. "That's good, Mac, he doesn't hear that enough," Stella said. "See you tomorrow."

Mac chuckled to himself. There were days when he was convinced that Stella was on happy pills. It was a good idea though; Mac would just drop in and talk with Adam.
********************

When Adam got home he put his things away and flopped down on the sofa. The case that day had really taken a lot out of him and re-awoken some very painful memories – memories that Adam really wanted to be able to forget forever. He covered his face with his hands and groaned softly, wondering how Danny and the others dealt with the cases once everything was done.

A knock at the door made Adam jump. He figured it was Stella coming to check on him to be sure he was really okay. There were days when it seemed like that woman could smell a lie. "Mac," he squeaked when he opened the door.

"You did a great job today, Adam," Mac said immediately, not wanting the young man to worry about why he was there. "But I'm a little worried about you. Can we talk?"

"Talk? Ah, sure, come in," Adam replied. "Do you want something to drink? Have you eaten? I was gonna order pizza, but if you want something else then we can..."

"Adam," Mac interrupted trying not to laugh, "we're not at work and I'm not here as your boss. I'm here as a concerned friend. Please, let's just talk for a minute, okay? Then we'll worry about dinner."

"I'm sorry, Mac, I don't know why I do that," Adam said as he sank onto the sofa. "I mean, I know why I do it, but I just can't help myself, you know?"

"It's because I make you nervous," Mac said. "Most likely because I'm about the same age as your father and you want to make sure I'm happy."

"How do you do it, Mac? How do you deal with seeing yourself in a suspect?"

"I normally go to the gym, jog or swim," Mac replied. "You need to find a way to deal with all the hard cases, not just the ones that you see yourself reflected in a suspect or a victim."

Adam shook his head and looked at his folded hands. "That could've been me in there today, Mac. That scared kid who thinks he's a freak because he has to do something or he just knows something bad is going to happen," he said. "Only I was lucky enough to have a teacher recognize what was happening to me and step in. She told me more or less what I told Jake today. Do you think maybe if he had known then things would've turned out differently?"

"I don't know, Adam," Mac said. "But you did make a difference with Jake today. You told him that he's not alone and he's not sick – he's not a freak. You reached out to help him."

"But it didn't change anything!" Adam protested. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes and blinked them back. "He still has to live with the knowledge that he killed his father. And he's still going to be processed through the system. He won't survive it, Mac. It'll kill him."

Mac scooted across and pulled the shaking young man into a hug. "I don't know if there's anything I can do, Adam," he said. "But I'll make some calls and see if we can get his sentence served at one of the children's' homes rather than one of the secure facilities. All we can do is try."

Rather than pulling away, Adam pressed closer and let the tears he'd been fighting since he'd processed his iPod fall. Mac just held him and rubbed his back until Adam was able to calm down again. "Sorry, Mac."

"Don't be sorry," Mac said. He brought his hand up and rubbed the back of Adam's neck. "We all need to let go."

"I just, I never really had anyone do that before," Adam said. He really didn't want to sit up, but knew that he probably should. It seemed wrong to almost be sitting in his male boss' lap. And he would move – just as soon as Mac's grip loosened a little.

"Adam, how many people have you let this close to you?" Mac asked softly.

"Not that many," Adam replied. "But you don't scare me now because I know you won't hurt me."

"But I scare you at work," Mac said.

"You're different at work," Adam whispered.

"Intensity can be a good thing," Mac smiled. "It let's you focus on the evidence in front of you."

"It also let's you scare your lab techs," Adam said softly. "Every day I go to work and I tell myself to be strong and do my job. And the resolve usually lasts until you storm into my lab with a folder in your hand. Then I want to just crawl under a rock and hide until my shift is over."

Mac pulled back just enough so he could look into Adam's eyes. "And yet you came out of the paper airplane case with flying colors."

"Are you teasing me?"

"A little," Mac admitted. "Adam, at the end of the day remember this; the crime lab couldn't function as well as it does without you there. No matter how much I may yell, I need you there."

"Really?" Adam lit up.

"I promise." Mac knew it was a bad idea, but he couldn't help himself. He leaned forward and softly took Adam's mouth with his own.

Adam froze as lips touched his and just started to tease. He couldn't believe that Mac was kissing him and didn't know what to do.

"Hey, you can kick me out of here any time you want," Mac said softly. "Nothing that happens here will change anything at the lab, you know."

"My, my male boss just kissed me," Adam said. "How does this not change things?"

Mac kept a hold of the younger man so Adam couldn't run and started rubbing his back again. "Adam, I don't know where my feelings for you changed, but they have and I want to take care of you and love you – even if it just as a friend."

"And, um, if I want more."

"I'll give you whatever you want," Mac said. "And that includes space to think if you want it."

Adam swallowed hard and hid his face against Mac's neck. "Will you stay and hold me after a nightmare?"

"Do you have nightmares often?"

"Um, just after something triggers a memory."

"I'll stay and hold you all night," Mac said softly. "Maybe the demons haunting you will think twice about taking on a Marine."

Adam's laugh tickled Mac's neck and the older man smiled. He had a feeling that Adam really needed someone to care enough about him to look past all the walls the young man had up to see the real Adam Ross – and then love what was there.

"Do you still want pizza for supper, Adam?" Mac asked.

"Yeah," Adam replied. He pushed back and looked at Mac. "Is it wrong to want to cuddle?"

"Of course not," Mac said. He leaned up and kissed Adam's nose. "Go order supper and I'll show you how it's possible to eat and cuddle at the same time."