The Ultimate Geeklove Fanfic by kestinstewart [Reviews - 22]
Chapter or Story - Text Size +

Category: CSI - Ship Ahoy! > Gil/Sara
Characters: Catherine Willows, Gil Grissom, Greg Sanders, Jim Brass, Lady Heather, Nick Stokes, Original Character, Sara Sidle, Warrick Brown
Rating: NC-17
Genres: Angst, Action/Adventure, Case, Drama, Episode Related, Established Relationship, First Time, Friendship, Humour, Hurt Comfort, Pre-relationship, PWP - Plot, What Plot?, Romance, Series
Warnings: Adult themes, Death of canon character

Summary: Ever noticed how the kitchen is a popular place for resolving tension? Being stuck in an enclosed space concludes with smut? Grissom and Sara have spawned countless Geeklove fic and with countlessness there comes recurring themes. Put those together and add crossovers, kiwiana and insanity... and then you get 'this'.



The Ultimate Geeklove Fanfic: Special Edition Slightly Extended Version.

Foreword: A Forewarning.

This fic is a parody of geeklove fanfiction in all its random glory. There were many aspects in the original which I am a little iffy on... because practically none of it was edited. Yep, all of it was stream of consciousness! And now I wanna write it all out a little better. Yes and while the first version included practically everything... I've found there is still so much more to include... and instead of writing a sequel... I'm just gonna rewrite it altogether... and with an added sequel!

NARRATOR
Dear... god... that both made, and made no sense whatsoever.

AUTHOR
You can talk.

Rating: Uh... R cause the R in GSR stands for Grissom Sara Raunchiness... yes... that.
Genre: Romance/Parody
Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or its characters... or any of William Petersens characters, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Harry Potter, Silence of the Lambs, Mary Poppins, Shortland Street The Hallway or Mr. Whippy. The Narrator is owned by Moi, as are all the inanimate objects that can talk.

AUTHOR
And now... let the fic... begin!

GRISSOM
Hi! Depending on the timeline this is set in I can showcase a multitude of emotions never before seen on television.

SARA
The rating and genre also make a big impact on how we act as characters.

CATHERINE
All my past indiscretions can be easily forgotten!

NICK
I can be written as intelligent!

WARRICK
I can be written as beleaguered... oh wait... I already am.

GREG
And not to mention, we can ALL end up in a huge orgy of criminalistic sex!

The CAST all SHUDDER simultaneously.

AUTHOR
But here in this particular fanfic... it will be about Geeklove... in all its glory.

WARRICK
Don't worry, we're not forgotten!

CATHERINE
Usually me, and War end up in our own B-Plot if the author is so inclined.

WARRICK
Yobling!

HODGES
And yet no one is ever inclined to include me in romantic sub-plots. What's the problem?

GRISSOM
Geeklove if you might not already know... is the pairing of myself and Sara Sidle. The name coming together from the fact, we are both Geeks... and depending on your perception, are in fact, in-love.

GEEKSHIPPERS
Awwwwwwwwww...

SARA
But its not all just a ball of romantic fluff.

GRISSOM
Its not?

SARA
No its not. Quite regularly we're subjected to angst, character deaths, suicide, homicide, drugs, alcohol, hot gooey... food-stuffs and pointless stupid humour.

NICK
Geekshippers have a reputation for Catherine bashing, and who could blame them... ow!

CATHERINE
... But on the whole, they just don't give a shit about me.

AUTHOR
Yeah, that's pretty true ::glares at flamers:: but that's a whole other topic.

The STORY slaps AUTHOR in the face to get her back on track.

AUTHOR
Owowowowoww... oh fine.

HODGES
...............................uh... well, where do we start?

WARRICK
Animal, Mineral, Vegetable?

GREG
You mean a generous NC-17 fanfic including all of the above?

AUTHOR
Hell yeah!

HODGES
How about, a post Season Four fic? Spoilers for Season Five not included!

SARA
Oh great.... An angsty story of my slow self-destruction, coupled with humiliation...

GRISSOM
Don't forget sexual tension!

SARA
...or a great plot-hole where all is forgotten and its back to great fluffy geek-love!

AUTHOR
Yeah Baby!

HODGES
A little bit of both.

AUTHOR
My pleasure.

READER
Well write the bloody thing already!

NARRATOR
And so she types...

It was a dark and stormy night...

CATHERINE
Well that's original...

AUTHOR
Shut up! Its 12 am and I'm running on coffee.

... Well as dark and as stormy as Las Vegas can get, which equals to a slight breeze in the middle of the night, minus the rain that so frequently haunts the show. An SUV of some description pulls to a stop outside an apartment building. Two figures can be seen silhouetted against the windows, street-lights casting laser-shows onto the glass. Rain-drops patter prettily over the windshield, each yelling in climatic conquest.

RAINDROPS
Neeener neener, we're destroying your earlier statement about it not raining!

AUTHOR
Ignoring you...

... Zooming inside the vehicle we see its Grissom and Sara! Who knew? And they've just driven back from the precinct after Sara's near-jailed experience.

SARA
I stare stubbornly out the window to my... right... yes right, because in America we drive on the right side of the roads so therefore, the passengers sit on the right side.

AUTHOR
Had to think about that for a second.

GRISSOM
.... Uh... I stare straight ahead, trying to look at her without her actually noticing.

His eyes flicker over her. Sara mentally berates herself.

SARA
I'll never live this down... NEVER! I am humiliated, disowned, a failure to the name of Crime Scene Investigation...

GRISSOM
Sara...

SARA
Is that ALL he ever says?

GRISSOM
I... uh... are you okay.

SARA
I'm dandy.

She opens the door, gets out shuts it with a slam. Determinedly, she walks around the car and up the path to the buildings entrance. Grissom quickly chases after her.

GRISSOM
Sara wait!

SARA
What?! So I can listen to you lecture me?! How stupid can you be Sara? You're fired Sara! I want my plant back Sara! No more vegan cookies for you Sara!

GRISSOM
Well actually I just want to sit and talk quietly, inside with, hopefully, a cup of coffee to warm us up.

SARA
Oh.

GRISSOM
Besides, this isn't that bad. You were over the limit by a measly point. I know you are a rational thinking person and you would never put yourself or others in danger by driving drunk.

SARA
Well that's what I thought... but now I won't be able to wallow in self-misery... where's the angst? Wait... this is a good thing.

GRISSOM
And besides, the writers only put in all this drinking crap so I could hold your hand at the end of the season.

WRITERS
Yep, got it in one.

Sara still feels her hand tingling from where he gently weaved his fingers through hers. Grissom is confused as her eyes glaze over.

GRISSOM
So... uh... can I come in?

SARA
Uh... okay.

AUTHOR
Now at this point in the story we can go in a couple of directions. One. Good ol romantic fluff and humour. Two, general romance. Three, just general fanfic, or four, my favourite... Smut.

SARA/GRISSOM
SMUT!

AUTHOR
BET YOU WOULD! But I can't write sex scenes too well so it'll have to be the first option.

WARRICK
Animal, Mineral, Vegetable?

AUTHOR
::sigh::

Inside Sara's apartment, Grissom stops to survey the new and unfamiliar surroundings.

GRISSOM
Crikey it's a feminine version of my townhouse with an ochre colouring!

SARA
Don't miss the fact we have a lot of the same music selection except, I am as always, far more eclectic.

GRISSOM
Don't worry, I'll know all your favourite bands off by heart by the time this story ends.

SARA
I don't doubt it. So. Coffee?

GRISSOM
Yes, thank-you.

Grissom leans against the bench while watching Sara prepare the coffee-making-machine-whatever-its-called.

SARA
You do realize this is where most of our sex scenes start off?

GRISSOM
I'm counting on it.

Sara shrugs, continuing to make their drinks whilst Grissom tries not to check her out when she bends over to get something out of a lower cupboard.

SARA
Alright do you want Greg's special brew or...

GREG
I knew you'd taken it!

SARA
...Uh Grissom... were you... checking me out?

She raises one eyebrow in that oh, so Grissomish way. He splutters, looking guilty. All the while a lovely red tint has fuzzied his features.

NICK
"Fuzzied his features" ... what the hell kind of line is that?

Sara shrugs while he acts innocent and finishes the coffee making. She hands a mug to Grissom and he quickly takes a drink to hide his growing embarrassment. Conversation is stunted for the moment.

NARRATOR
Just curious, but where did he put his mug to hide his 'growing embarrassment'?

AUTHOR
Use you're imagination... so... now what happens?

BOBBY
A... conversation?

AUTHOR
But it's stunted for the moment, I just said...

SARA
So... I heard your confession to Dr. Lurie.

Grissom chokes on his coffee.

GRISSOM
Wha?... Where?... How?...

SARA
Oh I was behind the glass, but I just want you to know, you're a total dolt.

GRISSOM
... Excuse me?

SARA
Your perception is remarkably screwed. I am not Debbie Marlin, I have not had sex with every male at work. The only one I've wanted to do so with rejected me before we even got to first base.

AUTHOR
By the way... what is first base? I have no idea about that base-getting-to stuff.

SARA
Furthermore... when you told me to get a life, I took a shot at it, thinking you didn't really have feelings for me. I wanted to move on, I tried to move on. But where did that get me? First place as Hank the Skank's, Body Moving EMT's Mistress.

GRISSOM is stunned and feels GUILTY.

SARA
Of course the year that followed was rather shitty.

He winces.

SARA
...being blown up, pushed aside, rejected, pushed aside, told off in public, pushed aside... and then finally pulled over!

AUTHOR
What happened to the humour romance aspect? What's going on here...

SARA
We need a large argument to get into the romance part of the story.

AUTHOR
Oh yeah sure.

NARRATOR
Does the romance happen? Does the Author keep to the script? Does Warrick continue warbling on about Animal, Mineral and Vegetables? Will this fanfic get flamed by G/Cer's yelling "Yeah, Geeklove sucks and this fic is great because it's attacking the geeklove!"

AUTHOR
When in actual fact, I am a geeklove shipper! And there's a difference between mocking something you hate, and mocking something you love! It's the difference between bullying and inter-family insults.

NARRATOR
Next chapter... RST, a tour of Sara's apartment and a certain William Petersen obsession is revealed!

AUTHOR
Review, its like chocolate!